I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
