It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
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I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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