How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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