Ambien. No doubt about it.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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