All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
