Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
