When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
