i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I think my nap took me to another dimension
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
