it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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