I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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