I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
