How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
