it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
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I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
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I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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