Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
