But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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