I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
FUCK WHALES
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
