I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
