He is an equal opportunity slut.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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