I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
