There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
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i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
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He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
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