Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
