I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I smell stomach acid.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
