i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
