I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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