in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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