I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
