Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Even my vagina gasped.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
