I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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