My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I supernannyed him into submission
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
