ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
