What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
