I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.