So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
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And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
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While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.