Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I am available for nakedness
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight