He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
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Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
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We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.