just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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