I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
