okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
