I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
