I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
