Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
