I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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