recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize