I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
