So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
