If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
