there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
sarcasm needs its own font
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
