the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
