my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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