i would punch a child for taco bell
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
