thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
