I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
