I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
