genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
