Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
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Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
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This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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