the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
