if you like me you must not know who I am
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
