i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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