I wanna bring you to show and tell
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I checked into jail on foursquare
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
