I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
