i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
i think my cat just said my name.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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