apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
