you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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