OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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