Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
