id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
