There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
