you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
