you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
