Little spoons don't ask big questions
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
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