4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
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It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
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I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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