You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
