i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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